


Not so different

by Arkiem



Series: Baby Tony [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Play, Baby!Tony, Daddy!Steve, Feeding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Steve's so nostalgic, Tony's so confused, non-sexual infantilism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 12:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15796239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkiem/pseuds/Arkiem
Summary: Steve misses baby Tony more than he'd thought, and the fact that adult Tony seems to remember nothing but unconsciously miss him too doesn't help too much.





	Not so different

**Author's Note:**

> Well, after finishing "Up" (the prequel of this story, which is not really necessary to understand this, though some things would make more sense if you do read it) some people ask me how would be the aftermath and I couldn't refrain myself from thinking about it. 
> 
> This is the result. 
> 
> I really wasn't planing on continuing this, because as I told some of you, I thought anything I wrote would be a bit similar to SailorChibi's story called "Boo Bear" (which I love and I highly recommend) but at the end, well, I considered it wasn't that similar, or is it? You'll let me know when you finish. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

Tony went back to normal. The spell wore off overnight while everybody was sleeping, so everything finished just as it had started: without warning or clarification. 

The following morning, Pepper found a man instead of the baby she’d put down in the crib the night before, and even if there was no doubt about who that man was, her mouth dropped open to cry out in surprise anyway, which made Steve rush into the nursery just in time to witness how Tony woke up abruptly, freaked out after realizing he was totally oblivious to how he’d gotten there, and fell out of the crib, still too drowsy and confused to be able to coordinate his movements. 

It was funny. Thanks to the media, Steve figured that wasn’t the first time Tony woke up naked in an apparently unknown place, though what surely had taken him aback and unsettled him was the crib, since he kept glancing at it, his face crinkled in pure confusion. With an amused smiled plastered on his face, Steve observed how Pepper tried to calm Tony down enough for him to go and put some clothes on, without much success. But then, the scene Steve was seeing stopped being funny, and he was suddenly seized by a feeling of unease and unhappiness, so strong that he had to leave the room. 

Tony had gone to normal, and that sweet baby with whom Steve had become unintentionally attached to wasn’t going to be there anymore to drive him to the verge of an anxiety attack. That should cause him joy, shouldn’t it?

\- - - - 

Steve missed baby Tony more than he thought he would, and the fact that Tony remembered nothing made him feel somehow worse. 

Everybody did their best to explain Tony what had happened on the day when that wizard decided to put a spell of eternal youth on him, but taking into account that such a wizard hadn’t been seen again and that not even Stephen Strange had been able to tell them what had occurred exactly, their explanations weren’t very helpful. As far as Tony was concerned, none of that had happened at all; after the blue light had hit him, everything had gone black and it had remained like that until the morning he woke up in the crib. Had it not been for the pictures Pepper had taken of his baby-self, Steve was sure Tony wouldn’t have believed anything. 

Over the next few days after his transformation back, all the furniture, toys and clothes Pepper had bought for baby Tony had been collected, packed, and donated to charity, and just like that, the tower was left with nothing that provided evidence of the fact that, not long ago, there had been an infant present. 

Even the anecdotes of Tony’s tribulations as a baby started to decrease with time. Tony might have shown some interest in them at the beginning, maybe some embarrassment too, but at the end he just seemed annoyed whenever somebody brought the topic up. He argued he didn’t want to be reminded anymore of the three months he’d lost of his life, he already had his hands full with all the work that had piled up in his absence and the last thing he wanted was to think about that unfortunate event, especially when he couldn’t do anything to change it. 

That was a valid reason, and Steve knew it, but he would have believed that was the only one there was if Tony hadn’t began getting pissed only when someone mentioned how he had been all over Steve when he was a baby. Did Tony really dislike him that much? 

Steve had thought their relationship would improve after this particular experience, though it seemed it had worsened instead. It wasn’t like Tony had stopped talking to him or started avoiding him, it was more like he gave the impression of being tense around Steve, of being uncomfortable, even a little vexed. Steve didn’t like that. Unlike Tony, Steve actually felt more at ease in his presence now, the little things that once bothered him about the man didn’t anymore, and he found himself wanting to spend more time with him. 

Why hadn’t Tony experienced the same positive change as Steve had?

\- - - - 

Steve was awakened by the sound of a baby crying. With clumsy movements, he rolled over on his back, pulled himself to a sitting position and swung his legs out of bed, with no real intention of getting up, still too drowsy to make himself walk all the way to the living room. It didn’t matter though, if Pepper didn’t run into him when she stepped out of the elevator, she would save him the trouble and take Tony straight to his bedroom, perhaps feeling a bit remorseful for having woken him. 

With his eyes focused on the door, Steve waited for it to swing open while he mentally kicked himself for not having brought Tony to sleep with him from the beginning as he had done quite a few times before. If the baby had been too clingy during the day or had struggled to fall asleep at nighttime, chances were he’d wake up all fussy during the night. The problem was that Steve didn’t really know why Tony had ended up in the nursery instead of there with him, nor could he remember how he had behaved the day before. 

That was when the realization hit him hard. 

The drowsiness was replaced by that sentiment of nostalgia, which was becoming more and more familiar with each passing day. In a fleeting moment of denial, Steve sharpened his ear to try to identify the sounds coming from outside his room, stubbornly looking for anything that resembled the cries of an infant. Nothing but a deafening silence. He must have been dreaming again. 

Grunting bitterly, Steve flopped back down to the bed. There was no point on staring at the door if no one was going to show up at it. Pepper had moved out a few days after everything had gone back to normal, and Tony, well, even if he had woken up because of a nightmare, Steve figured he wouldn’t go knock on his door looking for comfort – not that Steve would mind, if Tony needed a hug, he was more than willing to give it to him.

It was the third time that week Steve woke up due to the same reason, and it was getting annoying. Steve spent the next several minutes staring at the roof, and when it was obvious that going back to sleep wouldn’t be an option anymore, he got up from bed. The alarm clock on the nightstand struck four in the morning, perhaps a bit too early to go for a jog, but he didn’t care, he needed to blow off some steam and he was afraid exercising in an enclosed placed like the gym wouldn’t really help. 

After putting on his running shoes, a pair of black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt he grabbed from the closet, Steve left the room and headed to the elevator. He thought about going straight outside, but he got the feeling he would be running for a lot of time before he finally started to feel better, so taking a drink with him to stay hydrated was a must. He indicated JARVIS to take him to the communal floor, and stepped out of the elevator to make a beeline to the kitchen. 

Because of the hour, Steve was expecting the kitchen to be deserted, so he got a little startled when he detected the silhouette of a person behind the kitchen island. The way that person was leaning over the coffee machine let Steve know who he was. Who else would be awake pouring himself some coffee at such an early hour? 

“Morning,” Steve greeted before going into the kitchen, wanting to announce his presence so that he didn’t take Tony by surprise. Tony shuddered slightly anyway. He turned around to look at him, and Steve’s breath hitched. 

Whether it was an illusion caused by how dimmed the lights were, a mirage triggered by how much his brain wished that to happen, or something that actually occurred, Steve couldn’t tell, but he could swear Tony’s eyes lighted up when they met his, his face brightened with joy when he recognized who had just entered the room, his lips curled into a genuine smile, just like baby Tony used to do whenever they met after some considerable time; and even if that innocent excitement shouldn’t have matched with his grown-up features, it did, and Steve found himself unable to tell the baby from the man apart. 

Shamefully, that reaction vanished as fast as it had appeared, and Tony was surrounded, once more, by that aura of discomfort he acquired whenever Steve was around. 

“I ran out of coffee,” Tony blurted as if he needed to explain what he was doing there. A bit clumsily, he picked up his cup of coffee and rushed out of the kitchen before Steve had the chance to say anything. 

\- - - - 

Steve didn’t imagine it, he was sure of that. He might have imagined the glow in Tony’s eyes when they ran into each other in the kitchen the other day, but there was no way his mind could make this up. 

For some time, right after Steve stopped hiding from him, baby Tony picked up this habit of interrupting whatever he was doing to walk towards Steve whenever he stepped into the room. It had been frightening at the beginning, Steve had been afraid the baby fell over his own feet as it had happened in previous times in his rush to reach him; but, over time, Steve began finding it cute, and he even kneeled down with a huge smile on his face to catch the baby when he threw himself into his arms. 

That was one of the things Steve longed for the most, and even though those enthusiastic welcomes decreased as the baby started to see him as a constant presence in his life, Steve couldn’t help feeling fairly disappointed now when nobody made a big deal of his arrival. Steve had doubted Tony would ever look anything but irked when he showed up, or that was what he had thought until a few days ago. 

There had been a team meeting, and for the first time in forever, Steve had been running late. Early that morning, he’d found one of baby Tony’s stuffed animals forgotten under his bed and all the sentimentality that had caused him had gotten him distracted, making him lose the track of time. When he entered the room, everybody turned their heads to look at him questioningly and disapprovingly – besides the fact that Steve promoted a zero tolerance policy for tardiness, nobody liked having to spend more time than necessary in those meetings – and he would have felt terribly embarrassed and began blurting apologies if his attention hadn’t been caught by Tony. 

The fact that the man had arrived before him had been shocking itself, but what had really astounded Steve had been his behavior. Tony’s eyes had been glued to his Starkphone, but when he became aware of Steve’s presence, he got up from the chair and took some steps towards him before stopping dead, perhaps realizing what he’d just done. Steve had raised a confused eyebrow at Tony, refraining himself from jumping to any conclusion, though the shadow of dismay crossing Tony’s face made it difficult. 

Thankfully, everyone misunderstood the situation and thought Tony had just wanted to leave; and Steve would have believed that too if Tony hadn’t avoided his gaze during all the meeting, or if he hadn’t run out of the room as soon as they were done. 

After that incident, coping with this situation became harder for Steve. The way Tony had reacted made him wonder if the man had lied to them when he’d said he didn’t remember anything of what had happened to his younger self. Perhaps he did, and perhaps he was struggling just as Steve was. His desire of renewing the closeness that existed between them on those days sound like a crazy and impossible idea, but it wasn’t so insane if Tony wanted the same. 

\- - - - 

“You look like shit,” Clint exclaimed when Tony walked into the kitchen. Tony turned his head towards Clint, and a look of scorn flashed across his face when he saw Steve sitting at the table too, vanishing just as quickly as it appeared. 

“And yet, I’m way more handsome than you,” Tony retorted, a mocking smile playing on his lips. 

“You wish! I’ve broken more hearts than you!” Clint snapped, sticking out his tongue. 

“That’s not something you should be proud of,” Steve spoke through pursed lips, a look of disapproval on his face. Clint grinned at him. 

“You do look awful, Tony,” Bruce commented as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

“Brucey, Green Bean, it hurts me deeply to hear you say such a horrible thing,” Tony said, so dramatically that it was more than obvious he wasn’t really offended, “I expect those hurtful comments from dickhead over there, but not from you, my science bro, my brain-mate, my partner in awesomeness.”

Bruce rolled his eyes at him. “When was the last time you went to bed?”

“Oh my God, is that an invitation? Do you want to share your bed with me?” Tony faked disbelief, “That would be such an honor, not a lot of people could say they’ve slept with the Hulk. Because you’d hulk out, wouldn’t you? You know, the bedroom would be the best place to turn into the Hulk,” he finished saying, winking at Bruce. 

“Wouldn’t it be too painful?” Clint asked, earning a glare from Bruce and a wince from Steve. 

“I won’t let you change the topic,” Bruce warned in a deadpan manner. 

“Who’s changing the topic? I’m not. Are you? Is this an attempt to back out? Please, tell me it’s not, I couldn’t deal with the disappointment, I’ve already thought about fifty things the big guy and I could do, like–”

“Tony, when was the last time you went to bed?” Bruce interrupted as he drew his eyebrows in a frown, with a tone of voice that Steve felt a shiver run down his spine. His commander voice was much sterner, but there was a certain wrongness in hearing Bruce talking in a way that was everything but serene. 

“Last week?” Tony blurted out, clearly aware of the fact that he couldn’t continue messing around, “but I’ve been taking naps in the workshop,” he hurried to add after Bruce’s frown deepened. 

“What about food? When was the last time you ate a proper meal? Or have you been eaten in the workshop, too?” Bruce demanded, and he didn’t wait for Tony’s answer to stand up, placed both hands on Tony’s shoulders from behind, led him towards the other side of the table, pulled out an empty chair and pushed him down onto it. “You’re going to stay here and you’re not going to leave until you’ve eaten something.”

“I can’t, I’ve got to go back to the workshop,” Tony argued, with no real intention of getting up. “They’re plenty of things I need to catch up with.”

“And they’ll be right there when you go back,” Bruce assured before turning on his heel and walking away. 

Tony grunted, and his exasperation became more evident when he realized the chair Bruce had made him sit on was next to Steve. Ever since the incident in the conference room, Tony had been more reluctant to interact with him, and what had seemed like a mild discontent had evolved into pure irritation. 

Steve had thought about confronting him about it, but he was afraid that would only scare Tony away for good. That was definitely not an option. If Steve wasn’t able to become as close to him as he had been with his baby self, then he’d resign himself to having him around. It was better than nothing. 

“It’s been like three weeks, haven’t you caught up yet?” Clint asked, taking a bite of his steak. 

“Three months, Legolas, three months.” Was Tony’s only answer. 

“I know, but you’ve practically lived down there these last three weeks,” Clint pointed out. 

“No shit, Sherlock."

Refraining himself from joining the conversation, Steve focused on the food in front of him again, afraid Tony might take any comment he made the wrong way. He got the feeling Tony wouldn’t put up with any remark from him about his current state as he was doing with Bruce and Clint. If Tony hated it when Steve told him he needed to eat and sleep more before all that unexpected event with the wizard happened, Steve didn’t want to imagine how the man would react if he ventured to agree with the others and say he looked terrible indeed – utterly drained, huge dark circles under his eyes and he certainly could put on some pounds. 

Oh, Steve would so much like to scoop Tony up, feed him a decent meal and then rock him to sleep. Keeping tabs on his health was way much easier when he was a baby. He’d been a picky eater and he’d refused to nap if there had been something more interesting to do, but due to his fascination with him, Tony would eat whatever Steve offered him and would go to sleep if Steve slept – or pretend to sleep – too. 

Steve smiled bitterly at the irony of how afraid he had been of feeding baby Tony the first times, and how eager to do exactly that he was now. However, he should have known better than to daydream like that in Tony’s presence, because, before he could register what he was doing, he had stabbed a piece of beef with the fork and held it in front of Tony. 

It wouldn’t have been a big deal if it had been just that, Steve would have apologized and argued he had done it merely out of habit; but then, Tony leaned forward slightly with his mouth open and accepted the fork. The bright red flush that exploded on his cheeks as well as the way his eyes snapped open in utter horror told Steve that Tony hadn’t done that intentionally, and Steve couldn’t shake the feeling that this occurrence would make things worse between them, even if Clint and Bruce seemed not to have noticed. 

\- - - - 

“Sir is currently busy, Captain, he asked not to be disturbed,” JARVIS informed, not even giving Steve the chance to enter his access code. Steve pursed his lips and raised a questioning eyebrow at the roof. 

“But I need to talk to him about my shield,” Steve argued, holding it up as a proof of what he was saying. “It’s kind of urgent.” he added, and there was a touch of hesitation in his voice that he hoped the A.I. hadn’t notice. Lying had never been his strong suit. 

“I’ll notify him. Please, wait a moment, Captain,” JARVIS said, and Steve’s mouth twitched in disappointment. This was the first time he was denied immediate access to the workshop, and he couldn’t help thinking this was also going to be the first time he was going to be denied the access. 

If Tony wasn’t avoiding him before, he was now. There was no eye contact, no conversation between them, and Tony didn’t hesitate to flee from the room if he saw there was no one else in there except for Steve, using excuses that were obviously made up. This time, Steve confronted him, his relationship with Tony was getting worse and, without completely understanding why, Steve couldn’t bear the idea of reaching a point where they stopped having any sort of interaction. Shamefully, Tony only gave him a dismissive wave of the hand, denied everything and kept avoiding him. 

How could Steve fix a situation like this? He had no idea. After thinking about it a lot, the only solution he came up with was to spend as much time as possible with Tony, since doing the opposite would only increase the awkwardness of the situation. Achieving that would be tough, Steve had to be very careful to choose a valid reason to justify why he needed to hang out with Tony, otherwise he would slink off at the first opportunity. His invitations to spar as well as to watch a movie were refused, and because of that, Steve decided to use an apparent malfunction of his shield to get to talk to the man. 

“Sir wants to know what seems to be the problem, Captain,” JARVIS asked, startling him. 

“Uh,… well, the shield, it doesn’t, you know, bounce as much as it used to before,” Steve babbled. And that was why he was terrible at lying, he never really put much thought on the details of the lie, and now he realized he didn’t know what he was going to do if Tony asked him to show him what was wrong. He could certainly apply less strength when he threw the shield, though he didn’t want Tony to waste his time looking for a defect that wasn’t there. 

Maybe this had been an awful idea after all. Steve thought it would be better to leave, but when he was about to turned around and walk away, the door of the workshop opened. Hesitantly, and tremendously remorseful, Steve stepped into the workshop, too eager to see Tony to back out. He’d find a way to make it up to him later. 

“Did you break the shield my father gave you?” Tony accused from the floor where he was leaning over a hatchway, apparently dealing with the wiring there.

“No, of course not,” Steve assured as he got closer to him, trying not to pay much attention to the fact that Tony hadn’t even bothered to turn around and look at him. 

“You better not, it’s irreplaceable.”

“I know.”

“Well, that explanation about the bouncing doesn’t tell me that much, so you’ll have to show me,” Tony said, his back still towards Steve.

“In here?” Steve asked, and that was all Tony needed to straighten up and face him. 

The fact that Tony believed he would do such a thing should probably have been offensive, but hearing him chuckle when he saw the teasing smile across Steve’s face made it all worth it. This was the camaraderie he wanted them to share. 

“Let’s go to the gym,” Tony proposed as he reached for an oil-stained cloth and wiped his hands on it. 

This time, Steve swore he hadn’t been thinking about how much he missed scooping baby Tony up and hold him against his chest; if he held out his hand to Tony, it had genuinely been his intention to help him up, it had been only out of pure politeness. If Tony raised both arms like he used to do whenever he wanted to be lifted up, well, Steve had nothing to do with that. 

Tony, however, thought otherwise. Firstly, his forehead knitted in confusion as if he didn’t understand why Steve didn’t bend over and pick him up as he was requesting, but once he became aware of he was doing, his faced flamed in a combination of shame and anger, the latter clearly directed at Steve. 

“Get the fuck out,” Tony hissed. 

“What?” Steve asked, taken aback. 

“Get the fuck out!” Tony fumed, and he gritted his teeth as he struggled to his feet. 

“But why? What’s the matter?” Steve faked obliviousness, which, judged by the way Tony clenched his fists, was not a good idea. Without hesitation, Tony moved in on him and began pushing him not very nicely towards the exit, and even if Steve could have easily resisted, he refrained himself from doing it, afraid he just made things worse. “Tony, please,” Steve implored when he was a few inches away from the door. 

“No! You’ve been messing with my head and I’m sick of it!” Tony accused, giving him the last shoved Steve needed to be out of the workshop. 

“Messing with your head? What are you talking about? Shouldn’t we talk about this?” Steve proposed, turning around to face him. Tony glared at him one last time and shut the door in his face.

\- - - - 

Steve put his hands behind his head and drew a deep harsh breath, eyes staring at the roof as they’d been doing for the last hour, unable to sleep. If he’d thought he couldn’t miss baby Tony more than he already did, he couldn’t have been more wrong. Adult Tony’s presence might have been a painful reminder of what had been and would never be again, especially after Tony started ignoring him deliberately; though it still was Tony, and having him around was kind of soothing as well.

But now, well, Tony could move out of the tower and Steve would be totally unaware of it. It had been more than a week since the last time he saw Tony, and he was afraid things would continue like that for the foreseeable future. 

How could things get that bad? Steve thought he was handling the situation well, leaving aside the minor slips he had accidentally made, he considered he wasn’t being too imprudent. Yes, he wanted his relationship with Tony to stop being just an acquaintanceship, but he wasn’t compelling him to do anything. At the most, Steve had tried to spend more time with him, but that had been it; he hadn’t brought up the anecdotes about when Tony was a baby as the others had, he hadn’t caressed or hugged Tony as he was dying to and he’d refrained himself from scolding Tony for not being taking care of himself properly since he was changed back. And, still, Tony had accused him of messing with his head. 

What had Tony meant by that? Steve had no idea, and he got the feeling it wouldn’t be a good idea to ask him. 

Slowly, Steve sat up and got up from bed. Staring at the roof ceased to be entertaining when he knew sleep wouldn’t come, just as it hadn’t the previous night, and the night before that one. Insomnia wasn’t something unfamiliar to him, he’d experienced it several times throughout his life, but he found it a bit odd that what was causing it this time was the fact that Tony had apparently cut him out of his life. 

Making a beeline to the closet, Steve grabbed some workout clothes and put them on. What else could he do at two in the morning besides hitting the gym? He could also draw, sketching was something that helped him relax and keep himself entertained too; though, lately, the only thing he seemed to be drawing was baby Tony, and he figured that wouldn’t help his mood right now. 

Steve took a quick trip to the bathroom to splash some water on his face before leaving his room. Going straight to the gym would be the best, that way he’d avoid running into somebody – Tony. He couldn’t deal with any misunderstandings now, not when his mind was such a mess. Never had he imagined that someone would be sitting in the armchair of his living room at such hour, let alone that someone being Tony. 

“Tony?” Steve asked, confusion in his voice. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t imagining things, because, no mattered from what perspective he saw it, Tony’s presence made no sense. Why would he be right there, in Steve’s floor, after he’d been hiding from Steve for days?

But Tony didn’t answer. He was curled up against the back of the armchair, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them and his face hidden. The only sign there was of him being aware of Steve’s presence was how his body had tensed up, a reaction Steve didn’t like in the slightest. 

“Tony? Is everything okay?” Steve insisted as he walked closer to him, only stopping when Tony curled up in a tighter ball. Steve sat down on the nearest sofa instead, in silence, and rubbed his hands against his thighs anxiously, not knowing how to proceed. 

It took Tony several minutes to peek back at him, and the expression on his face tugged at Steve’s heart, because it was the same expression baby Tony wore when he found himself inexplicably scared – teary brown eyes widen in fear, eyebrows raised and drawn together, mouth slightly quivering. Tony had had a nightmare, and it had been a bad one. 

“Aw, Tony. It’s okay buddy,” Steve soothed, and he couldn’t help stretching out his arm to place a hand on Tony’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. It turned out to be the wrong thing to do. Tony pushed his hand away soon after, and even though Steve could still catch a glimpse of fear in his eyes, his face became livid with a mixture of scorn and downright anger. 

“What the fuck, Rogers? What the hell are you doing here?” Tony fumed, a hand slamming the arm of the chair. 

Trying to ignore the fact that the use of his last name afflicted him a bit, Steve raised a confused eyebrow at him, “Tony, this is my place,” he informed, and it shouldn’t have surprised him to see the expression of realization crossing Tony’s face. Of course he didn’t know. 

All the little things Tony had done that mimicked his baby counterpart had clearly been unintentionally, on impulse. Steve would have reasonable ground to believe that Tony had woken up, afraid and stressed because of the bad dream, and he’d come looking for the person who used to comfort him when something bad happened without really stopping and analyzing what he was doing.

Oblivious, yet aware at some level, Steve sensed. 

“Tony, do you really not remember anything that happened when you were a baby?” Steve risked asking, unable to contain himself. Maybe it wasn’t the right moment to address the issue, but what other choice did he have? After this incident, taking into consideration the way Tony had been handling things, he might move out for real to make sure he didn’t run into him again, not even by accident. “So?” Steve questioned again when Tony failed to answer. The light emanating from the arc-reactor didn’t allow Tony to hide the faint flush tinging his cheeks. 

Steve drew a deep, audible breath as he leaned backwards on the sofa. 

“You know, when you were a baby, you were very attached to me,” Steve said, a smile at the edge of his mouth. Tony grunted loudly before hiding his face once more. “Yeah, I know, I know, everybody had told you that a thousand times, but what they haven’t told you is how much I dreaded seeing you coming after me,” he confessed, and the way Tony’s body went rigid hearing those words didn’t go unnoticed. “You were so small, so fragile, and I was afraid of hurting you somehow,” he hurried to say, not wanting Tony to get the wrong idea, “it really freaked me out how, of all people, I was the one you seemed to trust the most. It took me a while to get over that fear, and the only thing I regret was not facing it sooner, because once I allowed myself to interact with you freely, it was just incredible.” And that last sentence made Tony peek back at him again with big curious eyes. 

“It was so easy to look after you, to keep you safe, healthy and happy. A simple caress or hug seemed to do wonders on you, and I found myself more than willing to provide you with them. Even your small tantrums were adorable, you pouted and whined to let us know when there was something you didn’t like, and I don’t know how, but many times you managed to get your own way. It shocks me how many of the things you disliked when you were a baby were things your adult-you dislikes too. All those quirks I thought you acquired just to annoy everyone around you were still there, and you know what? I became fond of them.

“I miss you Tony, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I got the feeling you do too, that you remember everything and you’re just ashamed to admit it,” Steve remarked, and he was surprised to see how vulnerable Tony looked, when, only minutes ago, he’d been furious. 

“I–,” Tony began, his mouth open to continue before he paused, clearly struggling to find the correct words. “I don’t remember anything,” he assured, voice barely a whisper. Steve didn’t like what he heard. 

Boldly, because he could certainly scare Tony away for good, he got up from the couch, perched on the arm of the large armchair the other man was sitting in and petted his head as affectionately as he could. For a moment, Steve could clearly visualize how Tony stood up and stormed out of the room, but even if his body went tense at the beginning, Steve felt how ended up leaning into the touch. 

“I don’t believe you,” Steve stated, “I think you do remember.” Tony juddered lightly before looking up at him, face anxious. 

“I don’t remember any of the things you all talk about,” Tony reassured, still whispering, halting. 

“How about this? Do you remember this?” Steve suggested, making sure Tony understood he was referring to the petting. Tony gave a shy nod. 

And suddenly, Steve thought he understood what Tony had meant by that accusation he’d made the other day in his workshop. Tony had no recollection whatsoever of all the things he had lived through during his baby state. However, the fact that he didn’t remember anything didn’t mean the whole experience hadn’t left a mark on him somehow. The way he’d been behaving around Steve was proof of that. Steve figured Tony still felt attached to him to some degree, and without memories to help him understand why was that, he must have been feeling particularly bewildered. 

No wonder why he didn’t want Steve around. As far as Tony was concerned, they only got along well enough to cohabit without jumping down each other’s throat at the smallest provocation. If Tony had been experiencing the same urge to be close to him just as Steve had, freaking out would be a perfectly understandable reaction. How could Tony want to hug someone who could barely stand him?

Tony didn’t know Steve wouldn’t mind at all, and Steve had to show him that somehow. 

“Please, don’t get mad.”

That was the only warning Steve gave Tony before reaching under his armpits and standing up, lifting him into his arms. Steve struggled a little to find the correct way to hold him, but once he got used to the change of height and weight, he got Tony perfectly balanced on a hip, and arm securely wrapped around his waist. There was a startled squeak and some squirming, though they soon died off when Steve began rubbing a reassuring hand down Tony’s back. 

The way Tony melted against him told Steve he wanted this as much as Steve did. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Tony asked into his neck, with no heat in his voice and no apparent intention of wanting to be put down. He even wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist and his arms around Steve’s neck. Perhaps only out of habit. 

“Shhh, go back to sleep, baby,” Steve soothed, cupping the back of Tony’s head to keep it on his shoulder. Tony resisted a little before Steve felt his body relax. 

“Not a baby,” Tony babbled, voice drowsy. 

“I know,” Steve said, and he did indeed, but he didn’t care. 

Baby Tony or adult Tony, it really wasn’t much difference, because it was still Tony, and Steve just realized that. Taking care of an infant had been fun, rewarding, and enjoyable, and Steve would always have a soft spot for that cute and lovable little baby, but the whole experience hadn’t been good just because of him. The opportunity of looking after someone, of having somebody who needed his help to ensure his well-being had played a big part. Not for nothing, helping others was what practically drove Steve. 

Tony didn’t need to be a baby for Steve to be able to look after him, and given how poorly Tony took care of himself sometimes, Steve figured it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to do. 

Perhaps Tony would freak out tomorrow due to what happened tonight. Maybe he would finally decide to have to do nothing with Steve. It was possible Tony found Steve’s desire of watching over him too weird. Who knew? 

Steve was willing to keep his distance if Tony chose to stay away from him. However, he would gladly become a close friend if Tony allowed him to; he would even play a father figure for Tony if that was what he wanted or needed, if that was the consequence they needed to deal with after all the odyssey they’d been through. Steve didn’t fail to see the oddness in that, but neither would he consider it weird if Tony wanted to be rocked in his arms to sleep. 

Something told Steve that Tony would end up choosing the latter, if not, Steve wouldn’t have a snoring person pressed against his chest right now. 

Cute. Baby Tony used to snore too.

**Author's Note:**

> If you saw any mistakes, please, let me know :)


End file.
